New Year’s Eve: Standing on the Brink…

Weather: High: 22 Degrees and partly cloudy.

Gonna be a short day at work today, thank the benevolent deities.

Getting a lot of crap done here today so this may be short.

Brink of a New Shiny Year. I’m both exhilirated and terrified. It’s one thing to make grand pronouncements and plans, it’s quite another to suddenly find yourself face to face with actually implementing them.

Bri and I both have a touch of the noody naddies (quoth Bri’s Dad), which is a crappy combo of sinus and coughing. Hopefully we’ll be able to kill the germs with a gallon of Woodchuck Cider tonight.  Was SOO hoping for naughty new years games tonight, but I may have to settle for some tipsy snogging. Still nice, mind you!

SO we’ll be bidding a not so fond farewell to 2008. While there were plenty of reasons to hate this year (The Flood, too many deaths, including my poor wee Apache!, Brian getting laid off, and health issues across the board) , there were many many good things as well. My sister got married, my brother got a job, and I finally beat my writer’s block to death with a two-by-four, thanks to a great plot bunny buried in a video.

So thank you Adam and Brad and Barry and Neil for kicking through that wall for me.  A foreward thank you is in the offing. And maybe even a request for some lyric usage if you’re so inclined. ::grins::

And additionally thank you to WordPress for giving me a much more free and open outlet for my meanderings here. I still like LJ for the interaction, but I still feel awkward posting a lot of stuff there. Facebook is still my go to for the quick and dirty update as well.

So…Goodbye to 2008. My post for 2009 will be up tomorrow, after my hangover dies down.

RIP Apache.

She’s gone. It was so quick I haven’t even registered it happened.

I can’t get my heart to stop hurting.

It’s not fair. It’s not fair at all. I should have been able to fix her, save her.

I don’t care if it’s irrational or silly or illogical. I fucking hate cancer. It keeps taking those I love.

I miss my furry little princess. She was always on my lap or on my chest, purring away. She was at turns, affectionate, hostile, funny, scary and always herself.

I’ll be lucky to get another like her. I love Snoots to distraction, don’t get me wrong. But his personlity is polar opposite Apache’s. (He’s Still affectionate as hell and purrs up a storm, but he’s not a lap kittie. )

So my sweet little girl, be at rest, be at peace.  No more pain or weakness to hamper you. Only sun and plenty of things to stalk and play with.

Take care of my dad and Puca and Sam and Chaucer, where ever you all are.

Still in a numb haze…

Weather: High –84 degrees and stormy. Fits my mood.

I’m still too caught up in what we have to do tomorrow to really focus enough for a proper post.

I love my cats. Understand that at age 40, and being without kids so far, they ARE my kids. I treat them as members of the family.  Yes I trat them as pets as well. I’m not one of those eejits that dresses up their cats or pushes them in baby carriages. Not a nutcase about it. I just believe that they deserve to be treated well, fed and kept comfortable. For this we receive unconditional love and, if they’re feeling magnanimous, some purring and cuddling .

Having to euthanize a member of the family is bad enough.  But even though I KNOW Apache is terminally ill. Even though I can feel the lumps on her belly and see her lethargy, there is a small, vocal part of my brain that sees her walking around, eating and even poking at her toys that says– “She’s not really dying. If she were dying she’d be laying in her bed unable to move.” It’s a stupid and small distinction, but it’s fueling all my guilt.

I think if I’m up to it, Bri and I will go see Wanted so I can vent my anger and frustration and watch hot actors on the screen. Not much to ask for is it?

Wednesday worries and wishes…

weather: high –83 degrees and RAIN. Looks like it’s gonna be time to build the ark soon.

Brian’s taking Apache to the vet this morning. Depending on what the vet says, she’s either going to need surgery or she is at the end of her fight. Either way, it’s not going to be good news. She lost more weight while we were gone. And I don’t think she’s used the litter pan in a few days. And all symptoms point to her kidneys going. I’m sad, but resigned. She’s had so many issues lately, I think she’s just tired. She looks at me every so often and the look in her eyes hurts to see.

SIde Note– Brian’s called twice now because Miss Apache is not cooperating and getting in the carrier. Now she’s hiding under the bed. I really shouldn’t be laughing. But I am.

ETA:  Apache’s cancer is back. And metastasized. We’ll be putting her to sleep on Saturday. My little girl is finally leaving us. I only hope she finds peace.

I’m going to cut this here. I can’t even think straight right now.