Weather: Summer’s come early! We’re bouncing around in the 70s and 80s. Drought conditions are not fun, though.
So I’ve fallen off posting here, but there have been numerous things going on that have made me set aside writing for a bit.
My age and health issues have caught up with me in the most ignominious fashion. Being a “woman of a certain age” means there are bodily and emotional changes that are happening right now, arriving with all the subtlety of a train wreck and the chaos of a zombie apocalypse. It ain’t pretty on any level.
Physically, I’m dealing with all sorts of random body aches, pains and system errors (thanks, hormones.) Emotionally, my anxiety has been showing up like random bear attacks out of the blue. Needless to say, my recent foray to the doctor resulted in new meds for my blood pressure and a second attempt at anxiety medication (it’s working this time! Whew!). After several months of feeling like crap and running the gauntlet with emotional and mental issues, I’m finally back on steady ground. It’s a weird relief not feeling like the earth is about to upend on you daily.
I’m pulling away from a lot of social media immersion, and doing more study and research. I hadn’t realized how much I’d fallen off reading until I did a small assessment of my “to be read” list of books and found the number was…disheartening. So I’m spending more time with my nose in a book rather than staring at a screen. FOMO is fading as the days go by.
Part of what fueled that shift was hearing a news report recently on aging, and it turns out that screen time, the rapid digestion of information and the resultant stress can actually cause your hippocampus (which handles learning and memory) to shrink. Reading and doing focused work, creative or otherwise, actually maintains it through building new neural pathways. The hippocampus is literally a “use it or lose it” structure in your brain, and there is some evidence that this shrinkage can lead to a higher chance of developing dementia. Needless to say, I fear that type of deterioration in my elder years, so I’m heading back to doing more things that keep my brain healthy rather than passively entertaining it. (I will err on the side of caution when it comes to these things.)
Another thing that has changed is that I’m utilizing patience much more these days. There is little that is “hair on fire” necessary or immediate happening right now. (Part of my annoyance with social media is the aspect that EVERYTHING is an immediate concern and OMG NEEDS TO BE DEALT WITH RIGHT NOW!) The doom scrolling stops here, as far as I’m concerned.
My rediscovery of my witchy roots is taking a front seat these days. I’m growing herbs, with the intent of using them for healing teas and in magical endeavors. I’m doing some deep research into ancestral practices and spending more time out doors, getting in touch with nature and the elements again. It’s balm to my soul to be honest. Music has also been helping. It’s amazing the meditative and healing energy you can get from the right piece of music. You never know what will speak to you.
Transitions and transformations happen in a escalating way, usually building exponentially as you start putting more effort into them. Our minimization process in the house has led to us shedding several large chunks of our wardrobe and scaling back on things that have been gathering dust for years. I’m finding that my emotional attachment to things is much easier to dissolve than I thought, especially where worn out clothing is concerned. I’ve parted with t-shirts I’ve carried around for years, that were no better than rags, but I liked the image on the front, or it reminded me of some place or event that I had attended. If I hadn’t worn it in years, why did I still have it? Out it went. Books too. I’ve parted with books and movies and music….and haven’t batted an eye. I don’t need to keep it to remind me I enjoyed it. Especially if I haven’t cracked it out for a look in the past 6 years.
Trust me, I don’t fault anyone else who thinks I’m nuts or couldn’t do the same themselves. You have to be ready to do this sort of deep purge. And I am ready. If you’re not, there’s no criticism from me.
My entire intent with everything above is to get me pared back to who I am now, and to create space to explore that. The husbeast and I are not ones for living in the past or lugging our entire history around with us. We’re renovating the house to reflect who we are now. We’re ridding ourselves of outdated or unused things because other might find use in them. I don’t have enough hours in the day to read all the new books I have or watch all the unwatched films and shows that are waiting for me. When would I have time to re-read or re-watch 30+ years of books and films? Plus, I need to find time to create and market and new art and jewelry as well! Time is like a pie and the more pieces you carve it into, the less time you have to spend on each.
Travel is also in the near future for the husbeast and I. We haven’t taken a proper vacation for just the two of us in well over 10 years. It’s time. The pandemic is pretty much going away slowly, and with both of us fully vaccinated, it’s time to hit the road. We have a long list of places to go visit, some here in Michigan, others all across the country. We’re probably gonna dust off our passports soon as well, and go visit Canada and the mother countries (England, Ireland, Denmark, Sweden, Finland).
I’m feeling hopeful and excited about things again. I’m going to do what I can to use my skills to help others, and get out and be in the world again. I feel like I’ve been living in a cave with a computer for too long. Time to see the actual world without a screen in the way.
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