Wow…Have I been lax posting or what!

3 07 2009

Weather: High: 73 degrees and partly sunny. Very un July like weather!

Sorry for the EPIC LONG NON POSTING! Got sucked into the short attention span delights that are Facebook and Twitter.

Lots has happened since I last posted.

Passed the 77K word point on When the Lights Go Down, which is epic for me. Add on that I spent a good bit of the afternoon getting the outline written for the last chapters and I may actually have this bloody thing done before Dragon Con!!

Been thinking about whether I should be shopping the manuscript around down there or wait until I can get it through an editor’s hands first .Probably be prudent to  do the latter first.

Will be able to hang out with all my writerly friends there, both the published and the non-published. Either way it will be great company just to see all my friends who live hundreds of mile away.

In laws will be heading off to Ireland in a few weeks for my MIL’s participation in the 50th anniversary of the Rose of Tralee celebration. (She was the second Rose and the first international Rose. –She’s originally from County Kerry, but had moved to the US when she was 16. Its a huge honor for her. )

Will be spending the Fourth weekend doing a lot of around the house repairs, cleaning, and of course, banging out the actual wordcount based on the outline I just concocted. Felt a huge sense of relief when the ending finally clicked into place. It make sense, isn’t tacked on and nicely ties up the storyline. Of course some events in the final chapters will require a little massaging of what’ gone before– a few mentions of a newly inserted character, a reference drop here and there that will subtly make more sense in the end.

Now the more nerve wracking part.., I need to figure out what lyrics I want to use for the face page of the book and then…I have to ask the lads in 3DG if I can pilfer them. Kinda surreal to be approaching the guys who inspired this story. (So funny looking back that I thought it was just a short story that was distracting me from the REAL book. And here it is a full fledged damn novel!)

Missing Dad again as we approach his birthday tomorrow. Can’t believe it’s been 3 years already.

Really wish he could have been here to see me finish the book. Hell, he was the one who kept kicking me in the ass to FINISH something for all these years. I think between his motivation and my mum’s, the undying belief in my ability from my husband,  and the support of my writerly friends, I finally have the right amount of self-confidence to keep at this.I have at least 4 other manuscripts in various stages of progress just waiting for me once I get this one done.  I’ve suddenly gone from just saying I’m a writer to actually being one. Who’d have thunk it?

Anyway. Just wanted to get something posted as I’ve been horrifically deficient in posting here. And I had really not wanted to stop blogging. Will be back to daily posting come Monday.

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Remembering my dad….

23 05 2008

Weather: High- 58 degrees & overcast/rain.

Weather suits my mood today.

Two years ago on this date, my dad passed away. IT was a result of a botched kidney transplant. Less than six months previously he had been walking me down the aisle, and then he was gone.

I still haven’t processed this. I don’t know if I ever will. My dad and I were close. He was a great advice giver and had a wicked sense of humor, which apparently I’ve inherited from him. Dry, sarcastic…actually British if it needs be said. He always had us in stitches. He was the strong backbone for our family. A brilliant acumen for business and well -read on a mind boggling number of subjects. I caught the research bug from him.Whenever we came over to visit, he always had a new nugget of info for us about some strange event in history or a new scientific discovery he found fascinating.

I tell you this because this is the man I want to remember. Not the man who lost part of his leg to gangrene, who was never able to talk to us the last month of his life because of a tube in his throat, who was in and out of comas and finally felled by a systemic infection that put him through three cardiac arrests before the DNR kicked in and he was just…gone.

I wasn’t at the hospital when he died. I was home trying to sleep. The doctor’s had said it was unsure when his system would finally give out. For all we knew it could  hours or days. Turned out it was hours. We got the call from my mom at two a.m. and rolled out of bed to drive 20 minutes to the hospital.

To this day I cannot get the image of my dad out of my head. I knew he wasn’t there anymore, but I just couldn’t let the facts sink in. After that there were blurry days of funeral planning and helping my mom out. Being the oldest, it fell to me to help make a lot of the decisions. I sucked it up, set aside the emotions I didn’t want to deal with and began organizing the things that needed organizing.

Two years later and I still feel guilty and sad and hurt and part of me refuses to accept that he’s not still in a hospital room somewhere , waiting to come home.

I’ve come to realize that I stuffed all the emotions about this in a tupperware and it’s starting to leak. I never mourned him, not really.

Maybe this time I can.

Me and Dad on my 1st Birthday, circa 1968





Grey and cold…suits my mood.

8 05 2008

Weather: High : 55 degrees and cloud w/ showers.

On an up note, The Daily Show actually showed LAKE COUNTY last night and mocked McDermott. I was giddy as a school girl. 🙂

I’ve come to realize that although I am a writer, I’m a frustrated musician at heart. I envy my friends with musical talent. I envy their ability to concoct a melody from the air and come up with lyrics that are at turns thought provoking and beautiful. Music is something I find great joy in. It’s the true catalyst of my emotions, allowing me to tap the vein, so to speak without having to diminish the emotion with clunky words. So I keep gathering up music, both in performances and performers, mostly because it’s the language I speak best and the people who understand it the most.

So, trying to distract myself from the depression spiral that is hovering just out of view. Not really working actually. I imagine tonight will be drowning my sorrows in hot men…um erm… Lost and Supernatural. I need SOMETHING to turn my inner eye away from the looming blob of emotion I’m really not wanting to deal with right now.

Anyway. THis has turned into a real downer…so how about some upbeat music?

Daily Vids:

Madness — The Sun & the Rain (Because these boys always make me smile!)

Mindless Self Indulgence — Shut Me Up (ElectroClash band with a Cartoon Violence video. Always puts a big old grin on my face!)

Thats all today. Sorry if this seems a little disjointed. But that’s my brain for you.





Soft day in the city and I need a nap!

7 05 2008

weather: high- 66 degrees and RAINY! (she says as she wrings out her pants)

So yeah. Lotsa rain this morning. Mostly when I was walking to the office. Sigh.

Still sleepy after staying up late to watch the Indiana returns from the Dem Primary.
Had to cringe every time CNN showed our a$$hole mayor, McDermott, who kept repeating like a robot “Hillary won. Hillary won.” SHUT THE HELL UP! GAH! We know you practically have your tongue halfway up her ass, you pandering git! Now stop making us look like idiots and just answer the damn questions. ::facepalm:: Anyway. Bri and I voted for Obama and are happy with that fact. Hopefully Clinton will buy a clue and bow out gracefully and stop hobbling the party with her histrionics.

Anyway.

I’m feeling a little under the weather today. Not really sure why. Stomach is a little queasy and my head’s doing the skull cracking thing. Took some Ibuprofen and it’s finally kicking in. May just need to get a decent night’s sleep.

Tomorrow is gonna be a rough day. It would have been my parents 43rd anniversary. I suppose in a way it still WILL be their anniversary. But my dad isn’t around to celebrate. He passed almost 2 years ago, on May 23rd. It’s gonna be hard for me and my siblings, but ten times harder for my mum who not only lost a spouse but a soul mate and best friend.
Sigh. I’m really beginning to hate the month of May.

Daily Vid…

She Wants Revenge — These Things (Because Shirley FREAKING Manson is in it and I love this band!)

Travis — Writing to Reach You (Because this song plucks my heartstrings for no reason other than it’s beautiful and reminds me of my dad.)