Still in a numb haze…

27 06 2008

Weather: High –84 degrees and stormy. Fits my mood.

I’m still too caught up in what we have to do tomorrow to really focus enough for a proper post.

I love my cats. Understand that at age 40, and being without kids so far, they ARE my kids. I treat them as members of the family.  Yes I trat them as pets as well. I’m not one of those eejits that dresses up their cats or pushes them in baby carriages. Not a nutcase about it. I just believe that they deserve to be treated well, fed and kept comfortable. For this we receive unconditional love and, if they’re feeling magnanimous, some purring and cuddling .

Having to euthanize a member of the family is bad enough.  But even though I KNOW Apache is terminally ill. Even though I can feel the lumps on her belly and see her lethargy, there is a small, vocal part of my brain that sees her walking around, eating and even poking at her toys that says– “She’s not really dying. If she were dying she’d be laying in her bed unable to move.” It’s a stupid and small distinction, but it’s fueling all my guilt.

I think if I’m up to it, Bri and I will go see Wanted so I can vent my anger and frustration and watch hot actors on the screen. Not much to ask for is it?

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