Traditional Birthday Musing Post….

12 01 2012

Weather: FINALLY we’re getting some SNOW. FINALLY!  temps are dropping through the day from the 40s to the 20s & we’re supposed to be getting between 6-10 inches of snow. ::clappy hands::

So today is my birthday. I’m 45.

Forty.Five.

The “5” years always give me more pause than the “0” ones, for some reason. Maybe because the mark the middle of the decade and thus put me in the “Oh Crap! Heading towards [insert next decade marker here].” frame of mind.

Mid decade is always a period of reassessment for me. For good or bad.  This time around I find myself mulling over what hasn’t been achieved and realizing I’m still a lot further along than I was last year or the previous milemarker year. So…maybe it’s more of a “Goal Line in sight, time for the press to the end” thing. That is heartening for once.

In the past year alone, I finished a novella, started a self-publishing imprint, jumped into  mosaic art with both feet, and am contemplating the ever popular leap of faith that comes with realizing that your passions have become too demanding to compete with a day job that doesn’t satisfy anymore. (If it ever did.)

In the negative column, we’ve dealt with loss of family members, family pets, a burglary, and several minor setbacks. The truth be told though…most of that was out of our control.

I’ve been joking the past few weeks that now that I’m 45, I’m only 5 years away from actually enjoying the AARP benefits that I’ve been receiving mail about since I was 35. The reality is, I’m actually looking forward to the benefits. I’m looking forward to being retired. (Though as a writer/artist, I seriously doubt I’ll stop working until I’m 6 feet under. )

The one thing I do know is 45 is barely halfway through my potential lifespan. And I still have a good number of active years ahead of me. The question now is…do I use them to pursue my goals till I exhaust them, or do I continue to just chip away at things?

I think 45 is a good year to start grabbing the bull by the horns and seeing where that gets me. Attempts will probably outnumber successes, and I’m okay with that. I’d just like to at least have the opportunities to make the attempts. Sitting idly by and waiting for life to happen, whether through caution or fear, is no way to live. I envy people who had this kind of fire in their 20s. That’s a lot more years to make mistakes & course correct. Still, it’s never to late to reboot your life path. Nothing is written in stone for the future, no matter what the doomsayers would have you believe.  So why not try ALL THE THINGS? Well, ALL THE THINGS you’re interested in, that is. 😉

Art & writing will always find it’s audience, if you give it enough room to find it. Weather the critics, ignore the jealous and nurture the supporters in your life. At the end, you’re on your own.  I think I’m ready to deal with that. In the scope of world history, I’ll only be a blip, but I can be a slightly shinier blip if I’m doing what makes me happy.

I guess 45 and I can be happy together. Age IS only a number, you know. The universe doesn’t really pay attention to our need to arbitrarily assign time frames.  Keeping perspective is important.

So…happy spawning day to me. Here’s to another 45 years. I only hope they’ll be as fascinating and entertaining and challenging as the previous 45.  (Without all the negative stuffs, mind you. Really tired of that crap. 🙂

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2 responses

12 01 2012
C. Rasmussen

Guess what? YOU are my inspiration. Thank you for being my friend and for telling me like it is. And for reminding me that it’s never too late!

Happy Birthday!

12 01 2012
Heidi Ellis

Thanks for that! I have such a fantastic gut level instinct that we’re all gonna be productive this year. Keep it up, honey! I know you’ll be successful!!

And thanks!!!

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