Tension Tuesday.

31 03 2009

Weather: High: 55 degrees and raining. And Last Day of March.

Tension is the word of the day in the office today.

Apparently there have been some people being asked to change to Part Time and a scanning project that involves my indirectly has just turned ridiculously high volume. So yeah. Some tendrils of tension snaking around the office.

I’m taking a mental health day on Thursday.  I’ve reached that point where my brain is so burnt out that I’m hovering on the edge of a breakdown. I can’t focus at work. I can’t focus at home. I’m letting too many things slide in my life because I just can’t find any amount of energy to care. And I’m hurting. Physically and Emotionally.  The amount of “Suck It UP and Deal” I’ve been doing has reached capacity.

I think it’s time to lock down and just purge. I haven’t had a good soul cry in a long time. It’s needed. I’m feeling broken down and useless again.

Maybe it’s time to st0p trying so hard to keep everything propped up on my own.


Post Migraine Monday.

30 03 2009

Weather: High: 49 degrees and sunny.

Weekend was a rollercoaster again.

Saturday was lovely. Went out for dinner with the fam & “Soon to be Fam” (KB & her hubby, Me & Bri, My mum, my brother John & his fiancee Christine, her folks & her brother). Fantastic people. Christine’s dad and brother are both harcore sci-fi geeks and are both big Neil Gaiman fans. So we had a lot to chat about. 😉

Bri and I are actually taking steps to getting our trip to Seattle taken care of and purging stuff in the house. E-bay has seen a lot of our business lately.

Also am trying to see if there’s a way to finagle both Bri and I going to Dragon*Con. Gonna be pricey, but I think we can swing it. I need to get our memberships purchased like NOW before they go up another $10.The hotel will be the next purchase. Flights will have to wait until we know where we’ll be coming in from.

Am feeling a growing ambivalence to the online community. It’s in not way reflective of how I feel about individual people. I have plenty of friends that I like to converse with online. In fact that’s the only way I have to contact most of them. I’m just finding in mind numbingly tedious to keep refreshing pages, expecting…what? Enlightenment? Entertainment?  How is this any different from surfing channels on the television then? And I’m finding my tolerance for Snark is getting lower by the day. Not every thing needs your sharp edged wit to comment on it. Especially if it sounds like you’re merely commenting to pick a fight. Sometimes posting a link is not anything more than informational, and not a gauntlet being thrown down.

Sigh. I know I’m getting older. Anymore I just want people to STFU and go away. Can’t even stand discussing politics with anyone anymore. Don’t even care. I would just like to concentrate on making our bills and finding jobs for both of us and getting my writing done. I don’t have the energy for anymore than that. Seriously.

Going home tonight with the absolutely gaod awful task of hemming two pairs of pants ahead of me. Might have to spork my eyes out from sheer boredom  later. Still, I have Heroes and Castle to watch. So there is a slight upside.

must dash. Ta for now all.


27 03 2009

Weather: High: 47 degrees & Mostly sunny..

I seriously feel like someone who’s crawled through a desert to find a small clear stream. This Friday took FOREVER to get here.

Bri and I took a nice walk last night when I got home. The weather was a perfect cool temp and it was nice to just take an even paced walk through the neighborhood, look at the houses and not have to dodge a gazillion people as we walked. Very calming. And no bugs, thank goodness. This is why I love early spring.

Supernatural last night kicked ass. Was nice to see Dean get his whineyness called and the brothers realize that being Hunters is deeper than just a life that was thrust on them. Seeing the Ghost Chasers again was HILARIOUS, especially with their constant anti-Winchester diatribes being interjected at any given time.::thumbs up::

ZOMG! SO HAPPY!  Just found out that Blood Ties is FINALLY coming out on DVD!  It still pisses me off to no end that they decided not to continue with the series, especially after leaving it with a bloody cliffhanger!  Lifetime needs to be bitchslapped for this. Sigh. Guess I’ll just have to be satisfied with the one season. Like Moonlight. Damn it, why do the interesting shows get yanked? And in SPITE of good ratings??

Also looking forward to the Vampire Diaries coming to TV. (On the CW granted, so there’s a bit of potential “Gossip Girl” type marketing going on). The casting is getting pretty good so far and I can only hope they don’t screw up the books. I loved this series. Read it when it came out. Still have the original covers and all. Honestly? Beats Twilight hands down as a Teen Appeal vampire series.Better written, actual angst and fangs as well.  And NO SPARKLING! 😉  And I just found out the author has started a SECOND trilogy for the series. I need to get my sorry butt out to a bookstore pronto!

Tomorrow night is the big get together with my brother, his fiancee and her family. Actually looking forward to it!

YAY! Lunchtime and there was SUSHI in the cafeteria downstairs! WOO!  PAYDAY SUSHI RULES!

Speaking of Payday, or as it’s been named in the Ellis household– BILL PAYING APOCALYPSE, most of my deftly earned moneys are now in the hands of the credit card and cable people. Sigh. OH And the mortgage holders. Double sigh. At least I just found out we’re getting a decent refund on our taxes and don’t owe Indiana too much this year. ::whew::

So, Dollhouse tonight and maybe a movie. I think we still have Mongol & Shoot Em Up to watch.  (Om Nom Nom CLIVE OWEN Nom Nom)

Thursday. Meh.

26 03 2009

Weather: High: 60 degrees and partly cloudy.

Commute was a clusterf*ck this morning. Add in a multi-interrupted sleep last night and I’m a grumpy Boo today.

Needless to say there’s a lot of anger rock spewing forth from the computer speakers right now. (i.e. right now it’s “Beast & the Harlot” by Avenged Sevenfold). Trying to counterprogram the soft rock emanating like a spoogey stream of saccharine from my cubemates radio.

Digestive tract has gone into full on revolt. Or is just revolting. Take your pick.

Have a metric ton of editing still to do. And my focus…she is not here today, that is for sure.

Short post today. Got swamped and not much time to do much but quip! GAh!

Tuesday. And the weather still sucks.

24 03 2009

Weather: High: 69 degrees with wind and rain and more wind and thunder and did I mention WIND!ZOMG??

Just took a gander at myself in the mirror after walking 8 blocks in wind with a hoodie on. Hair is new level of post-concert-fall-off-tourbus-emo-rock-star. See Gerard Way after a long night. SERIOUSLY.

Yep-front & center. Gee has my hair there.

Yep-front & center. Gee has my hair there.

Weather and dubious hair aside, and I preface this with much wood knocking, things seem relatively quiet so far.

Will be doing some quick tweaking on the first chapter of the Librarian story so I can send it off to beta reading and see if it’s coherent. Much more to do on this. Need to do more research. ::digs out Clive Owen catalog and books on D/s::  Sigh. The things I do for writing.  😉

I am rapidly becoming the pariah of the online world. What little interacting I do is on the quippy side and little if anything of content has been posted lately. Just can’t be arsed to share my feelings and lack of interesting life with the world. So I stick with Facebook and slaughter a few vampires, and Twitter where I can see how well I can abbreviate to fit a complete thought in 140 characters. LiveJournal is just a place I visit and occasionally post. And of course, here at WordPress. This is the only place I really journal. Sadly enough, I think I’m burnt out to the point where my interaction with people is getting slowly cut back. Not because I dislike anyone, just because I don’t have the energy or brain power for a decent conversation. Thus we’re back to short quippy back and forth exchanges on the ADD version of blogging.

Anyway. Time to head home. Need rest and some muse time.

Monday comes too soon. Always.

23 03 2009

Weather: High: 59 degrees and showers. Just sloppy and windy today.

Day is already in the crapper due to the weather. Not feeling this Monday at all.

Spent bulk of yesterday writing. Nice to get some actual word count for once. Think I cracked 5000 words,  which is good.(Mind you the word count is split between an addendum scene for the Rock Star Vamp story and the Librarian PWP short story. )

Got a bit of movie watching in this weekend.  Saw Dodgeball again, thought it was the hubster’s first time. Movie makes me hysterical. Seriously. Of course, I watched Twilight, which arrived from the benevolent gods of Amazon on Saturday. SparklePire obsession completed for the mo. Bri watched it with me, but he was only meh! about it. Not that I expected him to go geebling fangirl all over it. 🙂  The extras were good, but I realized I didn’t get the whole full boar version, so I may exchange it later for the uber-Sparkle version.  Also, re-watched Closer to get some visual references for the Librarian character. (He’s based visually on Clive, and now I’ve cribbed some of the personality from Larry in Closer. Just Rawr. )

Spent lunch hour transcribing more from zee notebooks into pixels. It’s bcoming patently obvious that I need to spend some quiet uninterrupted time reading the damn manuscript and fixing my problems with the main character. She’s beginning to vex me. I can’t SEE her. And that’s a problem.

Feeling draggy again. Must attempt to get a little bit of workout in tonight when I get home, even if it’s just 20 minutes on the elliptical. Body has reached epic fale level and I REFUSE to let it continue to slide. Must achieve Goth Sex Goddess proportions before September!!

(Also, health is crap, which is honestly more of a concern than getting my shlubby bod in a corset. Sigh)

Must dash. Time for heading home. Vids will start getting posted again tomorrow.

Finally Friday…or should that read FINALE Friday?

20 03 2009

Weather: High: 45 degrees and Sunny.

It’s still pretty cold for the first day of Spring! Feel like 10 miles of bad road today. Only got three hours of sleep last night. Bri got home from his class close to 10 and we sat talking and web surfing for at least another hour, then got swept up watching “The Last Frakkin’  BSG Special” Next thing I know it’s 1:30 am and I have to get up at 5. Sigh. Needless to say. I’m dragging horribly and the mind is not as focused as it should be at work.

Have exhausted my coffee supply, am now nibbling on chocolate covered espresso beans. Aaannnd now I’m CHOKING on espresso beans. Good going, dumbass! ::facepalm:: Cough cough::

Supernatural last night just GOBSMACKED me with all the emotional smacking around. Spoilers ahoy! (Highlight to see)   Dear GODS the look on Dean’s face when Alastair told him it was his actions that broke the first seal. And that this whole domino effect towards the apocalypse started when he succumbed to the deal of torturing others to stave off his own torture. And that JOHN was the original person meant to be the trigger but HE DIDN’T BREAK! YIKES! Add in Urial’s betrayal and Sam’s ingesting MORE Demon Blood (RUBY WTF???) and his ZOMG new level of powers? KRIPKE! YOU ARE TRYING TO KILL ME! :/Spoilers end!

Watched South Park last night as well. Made of WIN across the board.

Also, the Anti-Sports radar was turned off yesterday because Purdue made it into the NCAA tournament and that hasn’t happened in quite a while. (And as BIg Ten Champs. WOO!) Here’s the good part. They survived the first round. I’m not holding my breath for another win, but it was still nice to see them not get booted in the first level. 🙂 Again, not a sport’s fan, but I’m always going to cheer on my Alma Mater, ESPECIALLY if it will vex Indiana University alum and fans. (ZOMG TEH ENEMY!!!)

Apparently the “Sparkly Movie that Shall Not Be Named” is waiting delivery to me in Hammond. ::restrains self from sending husband out to liberate it:: So I will have SparklePires at Chez Ellis for the weekend.  ::does the dance of flaily cheesetastic SparklePire LUV!::

Need to get my crap together and get ready to go home. This week has been weird. and my lack of sleep lately has been hateful. Depression is not a good sedative, that is for sure.