New Year’s Eve: Standing on the Brink…

31 12 2008

Weather: High: 22 Degrees and partly cloudy.

Gonna be a short day at work today, thank the benevolent deities.

Getting a lot of crap done here today so this may be short.

Brink of a New Shiny Year. I’m both exhilirated and terrified. It’s one thing to make grand pronouncements and plans, it’s quite another to suddenly find yourself face to face with actually implementing them.

Bri and I both have a touch of the noody naddies (quoth Bri’s Dad), which is a crappy combo of sinus and coughing. Hopefully we’ll be able to kill the germs with a gallon of Woodchuck Cider tonight.  Was SOO hoping for naughty new years games tonight, but I may have to settle for some tipsy snogging. Still nice, mind you!

SO we’ll be bidding a not so fond farewell to 2008. While there were plenty of reasons to hate this year (The Flood, too many deaths, including my poor wee Apache!, Brian getting laid off, and health issues across the board) , there were many many good things as well. My sister got married, my brother got a job, and I finally beat my writer’s block to death with a two-by-four, thanks to a great plot bunny buried in a video.

So thank you Adam and Brad and Barry and Neil for kicking through that wall for me.  A foreward thank you is in the offing. And maybe even a request for some lyric usage if you’re so inclined. ::grins::

And additionally thank you to WordPress for giving me a much more free and open outlet for my meanderings here. I still like LJ for the interaction, but I still feel awkward posting a lot of stuff there. Facebook is still my go to for the quick and dirty update as well.

So…Goodbye to 2008. My post for 2009 will be up tomorrow, after my hangover dies down.


A little meandering ramble for your Tuesday…

30 12 2008

Weather: High: 42 degrees and a wee bit o’ snow later.

Okay…so I talk a lot about music here and even about how much it informs a lot of aspects of my life. Lately it’s become like the elder guru nudging me to get things done.

A few songs of late have stood out because of particular lyrics.

The first one is “Hanging Lake” by Sunshine Blind. The chorus is:

It’s time to reap so we can sow again on fertile ground;
It’s time to burn so we can build again, Tonight,
The Temple comes down.

Of course, the Temple mentioned is metaphorical. It’s meant to represent the stagnant things in our life that need to be removed. And the authorities that stand in our way to do what we need to.  It’s a very loud, anthemic song and it just fires my blood whenever I hear it.

Second has been “Get out Alive” by Three Days Grace. (Yes…OCD. Shut up.) Mostly for the line:
Don’t put your life in someone’s hands, they’re bound to steal it away.”
Another song about taking c0ntrol of your life.

“Afterlife” by Avenged Sevenfold offers this:
I don’t belong here, I gotta move on dear
escape from this afterlife
’Cause this time I’m right to move on and on,
far away from here…
Which lyrically is about someone trying to go back and fix the mess of his life before accepting his final rest. In my case, I hear someone needing to break from what’s known and comfortable to go find what is unknown and fulfilling.  See where I’m going with this?

Music had always spoken to me. Whether the intent of the musicians is carried through to me is a fluid thing. I tend to hear what I need to hear from a song. Certain music makes me calm and other music makes me angry. Most music I listen to makes me think.   Think about what I’m doing with my life and more importantly, what I’m NOT doing with my life.  The problem with this, is that I’m only THINKING about it, and not really doing much about it. This is the problem.

What’s been constantly gnawing at me lately, is the fact that no matter what excuses or “reasons” I come up with for why I haven’t taken the initiative on more things in my life, I can look at almost every musician, artist or writer I admire and all of them succeeded with less than I have. There really is no excuse that is valid anymore. Lack of Money? Lack of time? Lack of WILL POWER is more the root problem than either of them. If you want something bad enough, neither of those stumbling blocks should be deal breakers. Multi-million dollar businesses are started from the ground up EVERY DAY. And lack of time is a lazy excuse. You can make time for thing if you want them badly enough. Get up earlier. Cut out some TV time. Spend one less hour surfing the web.  You’d be amazed how much time suddenly is available.

I guess I’m itching to stop whining about our situation and so something about it. I explained to Brian we’re at the “Can’t make an omelet, without breaking a few eggs” point. Which means people’s toes are going to get stepped on and others will be told to back off and let us do what we have to get done.

I’ll end it here with a vid of the Avenged Sevenfold song. The Chorus as always is the point of their songs. How a band this loud can be this melodic is beyond me. I just know I love em!

And here’s “Get Out Alive” by Three Days Grace. (Live version, but still excellent. Besides. Always nice to have a visit from my muse. )

T Minus three days to New Year!

29 12 2008

Weather: High: 43 degrees and partly cloudy. Most of the ice is gone finally!

So…survived round three of the Christmas Crud, and thankfully seemed to have sidestepped the bronchitis. (Thanks Sandy! the expectorant worked wonders!)  I still have a lingering cough, but it’s no where near as nasty as it was on Christmas Day.

Have come to the conclusion that one of my major new year’s resolutions is to trim back the time I’m spending online.  I find myself spending many an hour refreshing LiveJournal and Facebook, almost as if I’m scared I might miss something. Truth be told, even when my friends are posting, I’m still doing a lot of skimming. It’s not that I’m not interested but the bulk of what gets posted anymore is like this: “meme, meme, joke, comics, meme, AH! A real post!, meme, meme,..”  And of late I’ve been unusually unable to come up with anything helpful or insightful to comment with.

In addition to this, I realized that the time I’m wasting waiting for something to come around to respond to, I could be writing. Or catching up on my reading which I am WOEFULLY far behind on. I have a stack of books as tall as me that I need to get through. And Movies that I got for Christmas LAST year are still waiting to be watched. We’re losing money on Netflix because we haven’t been watching the movies that have come through.  So lots of real life enjoyment and priorities are getting back seat relegation due to the Interwebs. Online is not real life. And a lot of my friends who are online have much more free time than I do for a variety of reasons. So trying to keep up with them is really not possible.  I think I’m gonna start a regimen of just checking my FList twice a day and Facebook  a few times a day. I’m gonna be dropping my Vox as soon as I archive my posts from there. I’m keeping my MySpace, but only because of the bands I have linked there. Most of the people I have linked on MySpace are on Facebook or LJ anyway. I don’t really post there or do too much other than check it periodically.

This is sort of indicative of what my New Year’s Resolutions are going to be like. A lot of scaling back and simplifying. Bri and I have major plans on our plate for the first half of 2009 and we’ll need less distractions to accomplish our goals, not more. Also, I’m going to start posting more about my writing goals and accomplishments. Time to start treating this hobby like a serious job.

ETA: Just finished archiving all my Vox posts…well the ones of note at least. And deleted the blog. One less thing to worry about. I’ve also printed out the manuscript so far. Ninety-six pages. And I still have 3 or so more pivotal scenes to write. This is gonna end up about 75 k. It’s at a little over 40K right now and I can already see some scenes need serious fleshing out. I need to just sit for one evening without distraction and read through it from beginning to end. And corral Brian into reading it as well. I have some other Beta readers lined up once I get a finished rough draft. I’m actually getting nervous about finishing the damn thing!

Bri and I have made a pact to keep each other on the path to better health come the new year. He’s gonna quit smoking and I’m gonna get in shape. My knees and my heart can’t take the excess baggage anymore. Besides, how will I be able to squeeze into a corset and dazzle the masses at Dragon*Con if I don’t start now?

Can’t believe I’m gonna be 42 in a couple weeks. Wow. Life, the Universe and Heidi. Too funny. Told Brian I wanted a REAL bottle of Absinthe for my birthday this year. WOO! Green Fairy time!

Yeah..I’ll be very happy to see the back side of 2008. This year has sucked harder than a $2 whore when the fleet’s in town.  Too much bad health, bad news , bad economy, family drama and crap politics.

2009 is gonna be “I’m sick to death of this crap and I’m taking the bull by the horns and MAKING it a better year!”

Both Brian and I are tired of waiting for things to fall into place.  Bollocks to that! Time to become masters of our own destiny. Sometimes if circumstances don’t wander by, you need to go out with a big ole net and a harpoon and GET THAT SUCKER YOURSELF. (Suddenly I have Front 242’s Headhunter going through my head! )


In all seriousness, I feel pretty good about next year. A little apprehensive at the major things coming up, but excited as well.

And maybe, the publishing gods willing, I’ll get something published next year.

Gotta dash. More later. And my big ole New Year’s resolution post is on the horizon. 🙂

Post ChristmasPocalypse! With added Christmas Crud!

26 12 2008

Weather: Schizophrenic! High: 43 Degrees and RAIN??? Just take the ice with you!

So! Christmas has come and gone and at least my sanity is intact. However, the sinus issues I had on Monday have migrated to my chest. So I’m verging on bronchitis, and trying desperately not to get it full blown. I don’t have health insurance so getting sick right now will have financial repercussions.

So,  Sick for the holidays. But I have to admit, we made out like bandits!

First off, let me tell you how amazingly smart my hubby is! He got me not one, but TWO Neil Gaiman books, (M is for Magic and The Graveyard Book), a gorgeous white fleece hoodie with faux fur lining in the hood, a cover for my i-pod, some fantastically warm fleece socks, an Azam Ali CD,  and of course, the annual make-Heidi-cry Christmas card.  We got a lot of neat stuff from the fam, including a 7 quart crockpot that we are DYING to use and some DVDs (Mamma Mia for me (Shut it, I LIKED IT!), The Fountain for Brian, and the BBC miniseries Jekyll (WOO!)), lotsa clothes, NEW BOOTS!!!, and the usual socks, underwear and whatnot. The winner of best gift this year? My mom, who bought us a 500GB external harddrive. SO HAPPY! Now I can get all the music and files off my work computer in one fell swoop!

So, swag aside, the holidays were actually pretty nice. I just wish I felt better. Kinda puts a damper on the day when your snorfling and hacking the whole time.

I’ve grown to dread the holidays anymore.  Mostly because the running around is getting taxing. That and the joy of visiting  relatives loses some glow when it becomes an obligation. With a light icing of competativeness and a sprinkle of jealous girlfriend syndrome. Yeah, just kinda dampens the “can’t wait to see you” excitement.

Christmas Eve went thusly, first off to Christmas Mass with the in-laws, then we drove off to my mum’s for Christmas dinner and pressies, then back over to Brian’s cousin’s for the Annual Open House.  By the time we got there, most were already gone, but we hung out with his cousins, discussing music (his one cousin is in a band) and  the usual small talk.  Got home around 2:00 am, shagging tired and scratchy-throated and freezing cold. (The temperature dropped 30 degrees throughout the day.)

Christmas day we slept in a bit, opened our present to each other, had a nice breakfast and veged a bit. Later, we went over to Bri’s parent’s for dinner and more presents. My cough had gotten pretty bad by the end of the evening so we headed home, and I dosed myself with some Tussinex, and subsequently was comatose shortly after.

Today, I’m just taking it easy, trying to keep my coughing to a minimum, and trying to get a little cleaning done around the house.  The weather is just crappy. It’s warmed up enough to start melting everything, but with everything iced over, the water has nowhere to go.  It’s actually supposed to thunderstorm tonight. Welcome to a Midwest Winter!

The new year is on the horizon and I’m formulating my resolutions. There will be a big post in the near future so I can lay out my plans for the next year. It’s kinda do or die time when it comes to a lot of things. Brian has already said his only major plan for next year is “Get the hell outta Dodge”. We’re definitely on the same page there.

Pre Christmasapocalypse…

23 12 2008

Weather:  High: 29 Degrees (Oh! A Heatwave!) and SNOOOWWWWW!!!  LOTS OF SNOOOWWW!!

I’m fighting a head cold. Gah. The stomach issues seem to finally have finally settled a little. But it’s like trading one piece of ick for another. Sigh.

Okay. The family drama this year has hit an all time high. There’s a huge part of me that is so angry with EVERYONE right now that I want to throw a grade A hissy fit, break something and tell everyone to fuck off. Seeing that unfortunately there’s no way I can do that without pissing off the one person I’m NOT angry at, that is Brian, I guess I’ll just have to suck it up and deal. Just like I do every year.  Again with the Sigh.

I realized today that the reason I’ve been falling back on angry boy emo rock is that I’m actually very angry underneath right now.

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DO NOT WANT! (-20 windchill)

22 12 2008

weather: CANADA! TAKE IT BACK! High: 7 degrees. Currently -7 with -20 windchill. Snow later

So. Still having stomach issues.  I’ve woken up every morning since last Thursday feeling queasy. And before anyone suggests a specfic possibility, trust me it’s not an option. There is no way I’m preggers. Zero chance.

This seems to be completly stomach centered. I need to see a doctor about it, which should be entertaining considering my lack of health insurance at the moment.

Holiday shopping is DONE thank the benevolent deities. This year has been extremely off kilter. It doesn’t feel like the holidays, our health has been for crap and the weather…well you know about the weather.  Now it’s looking like the actual holidays are going to be a bit of a cluster f*ck due to travel c*ck ups and tense emotions. Sigh. I remember when I used to look forward to the holidays.

Have started making the list of things I want to change after the new year, both physical and mental. Two at the top: Dye my hair black and get my ears pierced again. I’ve had mismatched ears for a bit too long now. (One in one ear, two in the other.)  So I’m thinking 3 and 3 would be better suited.  Further down the list are my long lamented tattoo and possibly an additional piercing to be named later.

On the other things list: Get at least 2 manuscripts finished and submitted. Time to start walking the walk instead of paying it lip service. Move. (This is entirely for our mental health. It’s WAAAY past due). Get myself healthy again. The constant little aches, pains and lingering colds and flu are no longer just inconvenieces.  They’re keeping me frompursuing the things I need to do.  Get some damn health insurance and get myself checked out in ALL the ways possible.  Spend more time with Brian-travel, walking, chatting,….and shagging. AS MUCH AS HUMANLY POSSIBLE. VBEG.

The need to write…and it’s turned into a NEED…is getting hard to ignore. I’m finding myself keeping a Word Window open at all times at work so I can type a bit here and there when I get spare moments. (It’s autosaved to a flashdrive so I can take it home and polish at night) .  But here’s the thing, I’m writing instead of taking notes in training (hello college flashback) and am carving out time to write that should be spent on work. I think that says something. Probably that I’m going to get my ass canned if I don’t get some discipline.

Even when I’m at home, I’m pretty much umbilically attached to my laptop (how Giger-esque of me) and have a stack of Moleskines at my side.  I guess maybe I finally slid sideways into paying some serious attention to my craft and it’s such a nice chnge from the struggle and writer’s block and self-doubt I’ve had that it’s kind of thrown me.

Wish I could do this full time, without the pressure of money needs. Bri keeps joking that he can’t wait for my first multi million dollar advance so he can finally fullfill his dream of being a kept man. I usually respond dryly that when I get my first book published and the nickles come rolling in, then we’ll talk.  (Yes I’m not that naive to think that I’ll EVER get that kind of money. I’d just like to see one of my titles on a shelf. That would make me happy. )

Anyway. Gotta dash. Time to get the hell home and hope whatever is scratching at my throat buggers off overnight. Last thing I need is a recurrence of the flu right before the holidays.

Video for the day:
NEW Apoptygma Berzerk — Apollo (Live on YourTV)
(A lot of the old school Apop fans hate their new stuff, I LOVE IT. )

Have a good evening.


19 12 2008

Weather: IT SUCKS! High: 33 degrees, wintry mix of Ice and sleet and rain and fire and brimstone and locusts….SUCKS!

Woke up to the power being out. ZOMG. Ended up washing my hair and trying to air dry it the best I could. Thank god for Casual day, because this was how I arrived at work!

Casual Day

Don’t let the smile fool you., I was in a right awful mood.

Wet feet, stomach still jacked up, power out at home, commute a nightmare… Yeah. Not much to make me smile.

Bri just called to let me know the powers come back on. Unfortunately, we have tree limbs cracking off in the front yard. One of them took out the flag pole that is mounted off the front steps. There is one big branch that is directly over our house that Bri and I are eyeing warily. One branch through the roof was enough thank you very much.

OMG I can’t believe I found this!
Jewel Performing Ave Maria LIVE.
This is the MOST beautiful version of this song. And she sings it IN LATIN!

I swear that version makes me tear up every time!

JUst stumbled across a cache of videos of onstage pranks with a bunch of bands I like. Am sitting here alternately giggling and groaning, because when I laugh I jar the bruised muscles in my sides. BUt here’s the one that just made me about have a seizure.

It’s Seether, performing Broken live. Adam from Three Days Grace usually came out to do the duet part, since Shaun originally did it with Amy Lee from Evanescence.  Adam does the first part then walks away. Hilarity ensues.

The only one that made me laugh harder was Breaking Benjamin performing “So Cold” and the other two bands (Seether & Three Days Grace) coming out on stage variously in Santa costumes, Ice Fishing on stage and Adam came barreling out in full hockey gear. TOO funny.  This is the main reason to see bands on the last night of their tours. PRANKS ENSUE.
Anyway. I’m probably going to bugger off from work early if  I can sneak out.  Half the office has left already.

Got some writing to do and some shopping to do as well.