Thursday and I still can’t be arsed….

18 09 2008

weather: Continued sunny and mid 70s.

I’ll update on the flood situation at the end of this post. Right now, I want to write about what’s been on my mind the past two days. I’ve come to realize that I’m not as strong as I’d like to think. But there is a part of my nature that is very dark and is jockeying for the driver’s seat right now. I’m not talking melodramatic, “I’m soooo dark and scary”. I mean that dark, primal energy that can push the predatory nature that lies at every person’s core to the surface. The nature that makes you want to bite and snap at weaker people. The part of me that feels weirdly comfortable and tends to show up in my fiction. The part that is enamored with vampires and the darkly sexual. Without starting to sound like purple prose, I want to point out that this aspect of my personality has nothing to do with wanting to commit violence or hurt things or people. Just the opposite. It makes me want to hole up and be AWAY from things. Just wallow in sensation and my thoughts.

The problem is it can be damn distracting and makes me lose focus. This is not good when I’m supposed to be working.

I’ve come to realize that when the stress becomes too much for me to deal with and I have no other outlet, this side of my persona claws it’s way to the surface. And people notice. They tell me I get terse, almost cold about things. Is it my psyche doing it’s best to prevent the meltdown? Probably.

Flood update:

We’re still getting stuff out of the basement and I pulled something like 17 gallons of water out of the carpets last night.  WE’re going to get some professional cleaners in to assess whether the carpet is salvageable or not. (I’m thinking NOT. )

The in-laws house is undergoing inspection right now. We’re praying for a green tag so we can get in to assess what’s been damaged. If we get a red tag, they’ll have to wait until the house is deemed safe to enter. With all the sewage, gas and oil in the water, it’s not something you can risk. Add in possible gas leaks  (there was already a house explosion near there) and electrical shorts, and its gonna be a tough going.

Again, my emotions have been stifled for a few days now. I imagine a good old fashioned breakdown is in the offing.


I really really hope all this stuff ends soon. 2008 can stop sucking anytime now.




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