Musing Raven is Musing….

6 05 2008

Weather: High – 76 degrees (GAH!) with Thunderstorms later…

So. Have been mulling over events of the past few days. And I’ve come to the conclusion, after experiencing some of the most intense anger I’ve ever felt yesterday, that I’ve got to resolve my past issues and do it soon.

Understand, I don’t get angry easily. And when I do, it usually passes quickly. Yesterday, it didn’t. It lingered. And my body took a beating because of it. My hands went cold, my heart hurt and I developed a pounding headache. I don’t like getting angry, mostly because I come very close to losing control. Not just yelling or throwing things, but ice water in the veins, pick up a weapon and remove the person causing my anger. Everything goes tunnel vision and I get very quiet and I could conceivably and in cold methodical fashion, harm someone. And this terrifies me.

Needless to say, it makes me additionally angry that I’ve allowed another person, whom I have zero respect for, to push me to the brink of that mindless rage that scares me so.

So for now… I will have to spend some time meditating on this, and removing the anger as well. I shall no longer allow others to to control my emotions like this.

Onto pleasanter things.

I am now finally getting on top of things and hopefully this will relieve some of my stress.

I really need to lose some weight, more for health issues than anything else.

I need to clear my mind so I can write more.

I need to refocus on what matters and set aside what doesn’t…

No more excuses or rationalizations or roadblocks from others.

::breathes in, breathes out::

And now for the Daily Vid…

Siouxsie & the Banshees — Face to Face (Because she embodies what I want to look like.)

ANd just BECAUSE it suits my mood,
Echo & the Bunnymen — The Killing Moon

Hopefully tomorrow, I’ll be more sunshiney and productive.

Today I’m just too dark cloudy to deal with.

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