Weather: High- 50 degrees, Partly Sunny
I’ve come to the conclusion that revelation and shared drama can be both exhausting and cleansing at the same time.
There have been a number of things on my chest for a year now and finally I was able to release them . I hadn’t even realized they were still bothering me. Funny thing that.
I feel like a weight has been lifted. Sometimes being able to share negative experiences with someone, especially since I’ve been sitting on these emotions and opinions for a year or so…it’s such a weird relief I can’t begin to tell you.
Have I found resolution? I’m not sure. There are still people whom I deal with who have a toe hold in that drama pool. I have no right to demand they pull that toe out. But it does cause some underlying tension and is reason enough to refrain from certain conversations with these people, whom I would normally share such things. So the conundrum remains. I guess I just have reached a point where the tap dance shoes have come off. When you no longer are the only person seeing with clear eyes, it tends to add some validation to your views. It also frees you up to loosen your tongue some as well. The irony is that when you reach the point where you don’t care about the repercussions of telling the truth of a situation, you usually find yourself not really wanting to discuss it anymore anyway. :shrugs: Maybe that’s the natural cycle of a negative situation. And maybe that ‘s a good thing.
I want the decks clear again. I would love to never have to address this situation again, but alas, it probably will come up again. I seem to be the go to person when this bit of drama recurs for other people. And I will never turn them away if they want to discuss it. But going forward, I think I will set my experience with that situation next to the road that I am traveling and leave it behind. It’s too much power to accord to one person, especially a person I have no intention of interacting with ever again.
I know I’m being insufferably vague with this post, but as we all know there is power in names and sometimes in even passing references. So suffice it to say that upon posting this, I will let this thread of my life go. Even if the parties involved stumble across this, life will go on. I have addressed this as much as I want to and now, with a clean slate ahead, I won’t address it again on my own recognizance.
I am lucky to have surrounded myself with a group of friends who like me for who I am, not who I should be. Who admire and support my endeavors without envy or condescension. Who don’t indulge in starfuckery with my extended friends circle using me for a stepping stone. I appreciate their talents and pursuits and understand that, while we overlap in some areas, we all have our own lives and have a right to live them, whether we choose to share completely or not. THESE are the people who are true friends to me.
Anyway. This vague rambling has gone on long enough.
Brian’s interview is tomorrow, so hopefully, with good energy abounding, things will start to turn around for us.