Oh! Thank the benevolent deities its Freitag!!

29 02 2008

Weather: High- 37 degrees with scattered Snow Flurries 

First off, and apropos, the Daily Om Horoscope for me says thus:

Unveiling Your Path
Capricorn Daily Horoscope

The desire to create a more meaningful life can drive you to step back from worldly concerns in order to make a mental survey of the recesses of your soul today. You may also be in a contemplative mood and ready to confront issues you have avoided for long stretches of time. In the peace of your private personal sanctuary, you’ll likely discover that your search for meaning involves an exploration of your inner complexities that takes you into the past, present, and future. If you allow yourself to follow the twisting paths of your soul, you can encounter significance where you least expected to find it. As you contemplate your life today, you will likely discover that the meaning you seek has been within you all along.

It is only when we actively seek to understand the composition of our lives that we can begin to truly comprehend the experiences that give meaning to our existence. Often, we expect life to be meaningful as a matter of course and encounter disappointment when we discover that life-changing events seems to progress in a haphazard fashion. Reflection is the act of thinking critically about that which has happened to you, is happening to you, and will happen to you. When you examine events in a analytical fashion, you begin to see that there your life follows a linear and logical progression. As you assess where you have been, your path is unveiled. When you reflect upon who you are and who you wish to become today, your personal journey will take on a new significance.

Couldn’t read better words today, FOR REALS!! Those of you who know me in Real Life know that this has been my struggle for a long time. I know vaguely what I want to be doing, I have several ideas where I want to go in life, and I know without any doubts in my head that I’m NOT where I should be. The corker is trying to figure out how to GET there. I firmly believe that we all have a path. Not necessarily a DESTINY mind you, because I think the end of the journey is incidental. I think its the journey that we’re SUPPOSED to go on that eludes most people. This is why we have many people leading lives of “quiet desperation”. It’s that gnawing feeling that the cogs in the wheels are not quite clicking into place in your life as time goes by. And it has little to do with material gain or personal reputation. It goes much deeper than that.

Think over the times you felt a sudden shift in your life. A feeling like everything just lined up and feel into place. Anxiety suddenly went away for a brief moment. It wwas like the universe reached out, put a hand on your shoulder and said, “That’s it! See? That’s what you needed to do!” I think people have forgotten to take an active interest in their own lives. We rush around, trying to get things done and wishing time away. (How many times have we said “Wow! I can’t wait until next week/next month/next year”–only to say the exact same thing tomorrow/next week/ next year?) And a lot of us coast through our days, just trying to “get through it” until the weeks become blurs of “getting through it”.

Not trying to sound fluffy bunny here, but shouldn’t our lives have some living in them?

Just a thought. Here we are already at the end of two months. Kinda went fast there didn’t it? We put goalposts of things in our lives, things we’re looking forward to, things we’re dreading. What happens to the time in between?

Turning 40 changed a lot of my perspective. While I won’t be a fatalist and say that I’ve done nothing with my life, because I have several experiences in my past that I categorically rank as important and life changing, I have to admit they are few and far between. I brooded days and months away, waiting for the “right time” to do any number of things. Small or large, it didn’t matter. Money might be a deterrent, but a lot of the time, it was inconvenience, or wanting to avoid a disagreement, or trying to choose between three options and doing NONE.

Now with Brian being laid off, I’ve had another life shake-up. This time around though, we’re handling it differently. We’re not flailing in worry. We’re not obsessing on the potential financial woes. This time we’ve decided to take the bull by the proverbial horns and turn it into an advantage. Bri is scoping out freelance jobs so he can look further out for what he really WANTS to do this time. I’m biding my time, but also searching. If either one of us lands a job out of state, we’ll get ready to move. Hell we’re getting ready to move anyway. The layoff has actually FOCUSED our efforts. I’m writing more finally. Bri has started working out and FINALLY trying to quit smoking. I guess it finally dawned on us that we’re adults and can do whatever the hell we want, well…within reason. Bending time and space is still a little out of my reach. Dammit.

I guess where all this rambling is going is take a moment and PAUSE. Is there something you can do today that you’ve wanted to and haven’t? Even something as simple as trying a new drink at Starbucks, or taking a different route to work or just stopping by a bookstore to browse and catching a later bus or train home? Why not do it today? Today is all you have control over. It’s the one stretch of time that will be gone in a snap and you won’t get it back. Tomorrow is a clean slate, but you can’t do anything about it yet.

One piece of advice I find myself quoting more often lately is this:

“It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to get permission.”

So don’t wait until you think it’s okay to do something, and for your own sanity, do not give other people the power to determine your path. Those that love you will walk alongside you. They may not follow your path, but they will accompany you and accept your choices. Those that deter you or make it about themselves are not good guideposts. No person should have to sublimate their entire life for others.
This doesn’t mean you don’t compromise. (I’m married and that’s a very important distinction. My husband and I work together to help each other pursue our dreams. We have been on a parallel path for 13 years now. I think we have it worked out pretty well! ) I mean that you should not have to give up ALL your goals and dreams for others. There is self-sacrifice, and then there is self-dissolution. Learn the difference.

Anyway, enough preaching for the day. 😉

This is all just my thoughts on the topic. In no way am I saying this is a Golden Truth or a way everyone should live. Take it or leave folks, I just felt the need to get it written up. 🙂

Have a nice Friday!

—————-
Now playing: Silversun Pickups – Lazy Eye
via FoxyTunes

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